ZOMG!!1! I just had the single most strongest teenage moment of my life! And yes, I am counting that time we played spin the bottle, which was an embaracing display of my true age. But no, this was far worse. You see, it all started yesterday, when we were on our class field trip to Helsinki, the city of [insert witty and insulting nouns here] and all my supposed friends pretty much ditched me to go shopping or suck face with their sex-slaves(Don't think I don't know what you've been up to, you Welsh Harlequin, you) once we got through a very disappointing tour of an art gallery.
After kinda just wandering around the streets and trying to get lost - couldn't, Eris damn you all! - I decided that maybe I should start checking out the stores. This resulted in more wondering and one very unfortunate incident involving over-salted fries and loud and annoying idiots who just wouldn't let me eat in peace, but that's a story that I will have to take with me to the grave. Anywhoo, then I went to a book store where I met the <3LOVE OF MY LIFE<3!!!1!
(que girlish squeeling and glittery hearts)
Here's how it went:
I walk into the book store thoroughly bored and pissed, walk straight to the section marked 'paperbacks' and after a while of looking through the pathetic selection of horrible modern literature and romance novels(Eww...) I find something somewhat interesting. So I sit down in a nice comfy chair and start reading. After a while one of the employees comes to me and kindly asks if he can help me with something("Are you going to buy something or just read through all our merchandise?") at which point I get into a debate with him about why I should be allowed to just read in peace and that really, they should be paying me to do it because I was significantly improving the atmosphere with my godly presence. Somehow we end up discussing philosophy and the spiritual growth of tomatoes - "Nothing that goes so well with everything can't not have a soul!" - and before we know it, two hours have gone by. Good thing it was a slow day for them or he would have been in troubleee...
Sadly, I didn't even ask for his name. The love of my life slipped through my fingers like watered down ketchup... Oh the agony of heartbreak. I will now proceed to grow bitter and resentful of life. Then I'll write a book about it and it will NOT have a happy ending! So there, that should teach life to... um... not give me handsome booksellers?
Wow, that doesn't really work out for me at all, unless the book I write becomes a bestseller and I end up famous and filthy rich. I'm hoping this happens.
Retrospektiivisiä havaintoja hautausmaalta
10 vuotta sitten
BREAKING NEWS:
VastaaPoistaJust because I won't hang around with your spaggish spagface all day but instead choose to spend my time with A MEMBER OF TEH OPPOSITE GENDER OMG ONOZ, who, by the way, has FAR PRETTIER EYES THAN YOU doesn't mean I'm some sort of a... duck.
I guess.
And even if it did, I'd still not be hanging around with you, cuz guess what? You're a SPAG.
Now that we've cleared this out, well, OMG ONOZ YOU TALKED TO A MEMBER OF TEH OPPOSITE GENDER?? I hate you Dutch Hookbills, I hate you all. Go quack and look stupid in some miserable pond for all I care. Pastyfaced losers.
You should've given him your number. Then he could've made a Monty Python quote from Military Fairies, and you two could have started dating and got married and divorced and hated each other for all eternity.
CAUSE THATS WHAT YOU DO IN MISERABLE PONDS FOR PASTYFACED LOSER DUCKS
... also known as the human race. Oh, btw, did you get your membership card? Because I'm pretty sure I should've received mine by now (I sent the application a long time ago, mind you) but the guy at the post office just shook his head and coughed to hide a laugh or something. Not that I'd really want it, though. Humanity is a club for pastyfaced losers. *high five*
Anyhow, that book of yours doesn't sound like such a bad idea. My ability to judge the wisdom of certain ideas is, however, rather limited, I'm afraid. As you might've noticed during these years.
These long, long years...
SHIT FUCK DAMN SCHOOL'S OVER AND I'LL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN AND WE'LL TURN INTO BORING MIDDLE CLASS MIDDLE AGED MIDDLESPAGS
Yeah. Or not. 'cause I still remember your domain name, and keep trolling you with these awfully caps-lockey-comments.
HAR HAR
Anyone who willingly chooses to ABANDON their BEST AND ONLY TRUE FRIEND in the middle of a goddamn CITY is obviously a selfish idiot of epic proportions(Well, I guess your mental state matches your physical state - Snap!)
VastaaPoistaI bet you didn't even meet up with your boy-toy of the day. You just hired some bum off the streets to wave at you and then went to get plastered in some dingy milk bar across the street, didn't you? And there's no way anyone could have prettier eyes than me. No fuckin' way.
You really aren't qualified to comment on any kind of relationships, present OR future or even completely hypothetical.
You + social contact = Planet go Boom Boom Kablow
You're calling ME pastyfaced? Seriously? Ever seen a picture of yourself? Caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror before it shattered into tiny pieces upon coming into visual contact with you? If I hadn't actually seen you outside, I wouldn't have believed you've ever left YOUR shitty little BATH TUB down in your parents' BASEMENT! How's THAT for a PASTYFACED LOSER DUCK, HUH?!
When I went down to the post office to ask about it, that stupid loser duck actually laughed at me. Can you believe that? He LAUGHED AT ME!! So I stole his hat. *high five to the ZOMGFNORDMORZ!1!!*
I'm never getting rid of you, am I?
This is just... Brilliant. Fekretting brilliant.